today is just today

confused.....confuzzled.....tired. yep thats me. im good, great actually. just going along and working hard. but so much is happening and its so twisted and messy. im just gonna try to fix everything and make everything organized. but i hate that im stuck in the 'i dont knows' i dont know whats happening anymore. its ok though. i can still have fun and still enjoy the sunshine even with all this pressure and decisions im going through. so its all good for now. two things im excited about: i really really really want a pair of high top pink converse.....but i cant find them anywhere....so lets cross our fingers in my search for the much wanted shoes :) next is i really want my nails done....im an idiot because having nails at my work is like finger suicide. but i dont care, i want me some pink,navy blue and white nails. its been summer for a week. who knew? i didnt thats for sure. its only been a week and i still have months to go :) yay summer so i really dont have anything else to say besides that. i know im lame today. get over it i spent 7 hours weeding at my work. scratches all up and down my legs and arms..yay. but my manager loved me for it. anywho. peace and blessings. have an awesome night. heres hoping that my day off tomorrow will be fun.

Oh just Reminiscing in bliss

sometimes you just need to blow bubbles and watch the stars :) and sometimes you just have to brush off harsh words or hard times like they are dust on your shoulders. Hard and stupid things ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS happen. it is INEVITABLE that hard times happen. and it is INEVITABLE that we will be too busy, that we will be too stressed and that we will be discouraged. sorry to say but we will feel these!!! haha but its kinda like a soda pop :) sometimes we get shook up and sometimes we get left behind, and there will be times where we will explode or loose our fizz :) the point of it is, is that we get back up and we continue to taste good :) haha ok ok thats a weird analogy....but! something i know to be true is that it is our CHOICE to be happy and it is our CHOICE to do the best in any situation we are thrown in. :) but sometimes we just need that "gotta love life' moment :) WHICH are found in the smallest and some may say stupidest activities. haha like blowing bubbles, coloring with chalk, watching stars, dancing in the rain, playing make believe, or even dressing up :) just remember YOLO! you only live once :) and why should we not live fully if we only live once>??? so just smile, act like a five year old and smile more. just keep truckin and just keep living! :D so i find it hilarious that when i was little i used to set up elaborate desks and stations, i would get old computers, boxes, markers, papers, and random pieces of wood and such, and set up business's all around my houses. i would make it all:) from 'jenni's bakery' to "jennis coloring pages" to my magic show/store....hahah good times good times. i would make menu's, use my two dollars and change from under the couch and buy merchandise to sell to my family..it was perfect bliss. it was alot funner than being an actual cashier is. haha i guess being a real cashier now only stinks because i feel so much responsibility, and back then the only bad thing was running out of honey buns, or my parents only buying about 6 papers from me:) but to be honest i dont necessarily miss it, yes i love reminiscing about it, and laughing at my cute little self, but i love living now, in this moment, with the most amazing people around me :) as fun as setting up magic shows was, and as awesome as playing with my little friends and stuffed animals was, nothing compares to the moments i get with my cowboy, or the way i feel after a fun and fulfilling day at work, or after laughing until i am crying with my girls :) my life has a lot of downers.true. but my life is so great! i am alive, and not only that but i am living :) and as this summer begins all i know for certain is that i will keep smiling no matter what happens, and that i will seize every moment i can with my loved ones. SO HAPPY SUMMER OF 2012 may it hold everything you dream of :) may the nights be long, the days be sunny, the kisses sweet, the music loud and your smile as beautiful as ever! \

bouncin back like tigger

so heres the deal. yesterday=awful. but today=better :) this morning i woke up to a fabulous 6 page text from one of my greatest friends....it included this amazing quote "dont pray for an easier life but pray for the strength to endure through life." i LOVE THIS. because no matter what we all get discouraged, we all have hard times and we all just want to give up. and i always thought that if i just hoped in tommorrow it would be okay...but that isnt enough. what i have to do is pray for a brighter today and not just that but for the strength that i know the lord can give me to get through it to that brighter tommorrow :) ah KALEB you are amazing :) you turned my day completly around. so today was great more or less..i actually got through work without feeling tired,,and i had tons of fun :) my hands hurt but feel so tough from running the rockwall, and i think im still sweating from being behind the cashier desk, but all is well :) i have amazing co-workers and amazing supervisers and managers. like seriously they rock my socks right off. i couldnt ask for a better experience :) plus i got to dance/clean bumber boats in the pouring rain,, <3 it was lovely.

Funniest thing that happened today is what happened over the radio. superviser into radio: hey matt whats your 20 Matt: im in the back parking lot doing weed..........shoot! I MEANt PULLING WEEDS!!!" haha i may have peed my pants a little at this it was hilarous :) so im ok. i realized who the people in my life are who REALLY care :) and i love you guys so much :) even if im lonely i wil always know im not alone, and that is such a blessing. :) So my summer is going to be>>>WORK!WORK!AND MORE WORK! but that gets me my mustang :) :) :) :)

so were good :) but! now that things have kinda changed i will be posting a new and improved summer list #2!! so look for that tommorrow :) thank you everyone for everything :) no one is alone...there is always someone who loves you, you just need to open up your eyes and realize it. and know i am here for you too :) even if your a stranger im here for you :) because im jenni vz :) nuff said....haha so ttfn ps. my new favorite character: TIGGER

(yes i watched the tigger movie yesterday :) dont judge when im sad i like to watch sad movies so that i cry over someone elses sadness and not pity myself :) and its tigger because he reminds me of me...haha we are both so happy, we know that the secret to life is to keep bouncing smiling and have fun :) and even though when were sad, were pretty sad and for a good reason, we both have great friends to help us keep going and just keep bouncing :) yay tigger :)

its 2 o'clock in the morning

oh my heck. i just did homework from 9:00 am wednesday morning to 2:00 am thursday morning. to say the least im exhausted. -.- but i finished my thesis paper from heck, finished all my late work for english, caught up on all my math, and now i just have a chemistry review sheet to do....sigh. its a good thing that after this friday school is over because i think i might self destruct if i have to put up with any more of my dang schools homework loads. ah summer....its so close. i finally feel the realease! i just have two more finals and then im done! home clear!! ah how good it will feel to spend my time doing what I WANT...well for the most part..haha i got my schedule for work next week and guess who's working monday, thursday, friday AND saturday? ME THATS WHO!! dont get me wrong im super excited :) yay working class and yay saving up money for my mustang :)

but me working means i have to be the lame one who says "cant i have to work" yuck...but! i want my mustang so i will just repeat "goosefraba, goosefraba, its okay its for my mustang" about 50 times a day :) haha im excited :) i feel like im finally able to be jenni again! no more stress, no more being around people who pull you down, i get to choose who im around and i get to choose what my time is for :) SO HAPPY!! i love being ms. independent once again :) now everything is ok besides one thing...and that one thing will hopefully be fixed on saturday! cross your fingers for me! i have big plans and i really hope it works out, because then everything will be perfect. well as perfect as a messed up, busy teenage girl who is in love, life can get ;) i am the creator of my own disastors and the designer of my own catastrophes once again :) it sure feels good....so goodnight i know i will sleep tight for the 3 hours i get to sleep :)

The rambling of a girl listening to country music

guess what...im getting tan. :D YES tan. i know right hard for me to believe too....O.o i dont think ive ever been tan in my life, so you can probably imagine how super excited i am :) the funny thing about me is that i find simple pleasure in the simplest things..like 5 seconds ago my brother sent me the sweetest text, just asking how my day was and saying that he loves me and says im amazing...umm yep makes me smile. or just waking up to sunshine streaming through my window, knowing that today i get to lay out in my yard and soak up some rays :) or when my boyfriend texts me good morning beautiful. ^-^ oh golly i could live, breathe and smile off of moments like those. i find great satisfaction in making a wish by blowing dandelion fluff everywhere, or taking a bubble bath with candllight bouncing off the walls. these are the things i do constantly that keep me, well me. :) these moments are what define me, they are super important to the balance of a 'jenni day' and suprisingly i never get sick of it. unlike my favorite food, color or favorite book or movie which change almost daily, my little quirks ( you may call them glitches ;) )are my favorite part of myself and what i know will always be a part of me. each of us has a beat. you can call it a rythm or a light. but its there inside each of us. it drives us forward. it makes us work hard, it makes us love, it makes us smile and laugh, it becomes and changes with every moment we experience. it. IS NEVER COMPLETE. it can always be rearranged it can always be improved. its fabulous really.....if you think about each step we take, each song we listen to, each person we meet and the each love we fall into...each single point is like the point in a spiders web,

where one thread meets another. at that itsy bitsy teeny weeny point we become who we are. and it continues on to each small meeting point. the choices we make, the people we meet, the things we like and the things we think, even those little quirks like holding your breath in a tunnel or crying in disney movies :)....they drive us to ourselves, they create ourselves. we are each special :) ya ya i know you hear this from your mom every day, but seriously. its IMPOSSIBLE not to be special :) with each second we become a different person, we may not have made the choices we wanted to our are on the paths of our lives that are ideal...but we are completly and utterly on our way to our best self. :) we are each fabulously, crazily, and fantastically unique. we are the BEST at being OURSELF. so dont change. dont hide. dont tone down your personality. just LIVE. live outloud :)

its alot funner that way :) and it will take away pressure, stress, and sorrow if we know that we are wonderful :)because we really are :) no one has my sense of style, no one is as ticklish as me, noone has the love for one crazy cowboy as much as i do, :)and noone is as crazily optimistic and as jenni as i am :) and i love me :)

lets be honest im not perfect! thank god im not! haha i love my imperfections, and i love how far i have to go :) im not gonna get discouraged because im not what i want to be, im excited that i get to work hard to be who i really want to be :) and im sure as heck gonna have fun along the way!!!

because JENNIFER ANN VZ is in this life FOR THE DISTANCE!! :) I can go as far as i want and i dont have all too much time so im gettin busy and really living right now! and every day! :)

my summer to do list #1

Swimming.

Kissing.

Dancing.

Loving.

Tanning.

Sleeping.

Running.

Laughing.

Reading.

Shopping.

Capturing.

Star Gazing.

Driving.

cliff jump

go mudding

Stepping up stepping forward :)

im still alive. i got through this hell of a week. and yes i did cry a little. i pushed myself to my limits. i crossed really scary boundaries and survived...just so i could blog about it. yes im a wannabe blogger addict. i admit it openly. i get addicted to blogging for a few weeks and when something happens... i give up. but everyday i fall asleep thinking, i wish i could write about how i feel, and i wish others knew how i really feel too. but the funny thing is, only my select few facebook stalkers will ever view my feelings, only a select few people will hear why me, jennifer, is special. and they probably wont even relize that i am the only me they will ever read about. its a pretty sad thought that. the fact that every day we walk by like a bish-million people and dont even say hello. that we walk by unique, one of a kind, deluxe edition people that we may NEVER EVER see again and act as if weve seen it all, like we know all the stories they might have to tell and as if weve heard or experianced all the emotions that those people are going through. we WALK sometimes RUN right past them. its a state of self preservation i think. its like we embrace our own suffering and our own lives as if thats all there is so that we cant hurt ourselves more than we already do. we catch ourselves thinking, more than once a day, "why cant i..." or "if only i could..." or "if they only knew that i..." all questions of self preservation and self absorbtion. its really pathetic to be honest. and i say that on the level of 'im in the same sinking boat as you so im gonna complain about both our wet shoes all i want.'

because once again, and much to my utter disgust and dissapointment, ive found myself feeling those stinkin sinking empty emotions that i casted off with good ridance over a year ago. yep you know the ones. the feelings of 'not good enough' the feelings of 'nobody loves me everybody hates me might as well go eat worms' (10$ betting you just sang the song) emotions that trap us in the state of self preservation and self absorbtion. and keep us from our own BEAUTIFUL and UNIQUE adventures and also fog up our faith in our happily ever afters. which is so sad. because no matter what anyone says, i know each and every person, and i mean EVERYPERSON, even that old man sitting on the bench in front of walgreens, or that little girl screaming for candy behind you in walmart, that girl who is always sad at school or the boy who is a danger-addict who lives too far away...they ALL have such gorgeously, exquistitly, and indescribable futures if only they could see there potential. but as each of us are human, sadly enough, we each fall into our holes. we get dirty, we cry, and we feel,inflict, and sometimes live in pain that could so easily be removed if only we knew that someone believed in us, if only we knew that someone truly loved us and cared about us...and those bish-million people that we walk by could just be our ticket out of the hell of our lives. but guess what.im gonna turn the tables. as pathetic, as sad, and lonely and useless as we feel sometimes... WE, ME, YOU, I. ya us. we are also someones ticket straight to genuine smiles and good times. and that ticket is buy one for someone else and you get one free too. every person has hard times, every person has faults, and everyone has those things that make them smile, everyone has that song or that book or that painting or sport that set them FREE. we are all human. we are all here to grow. we are all in this at this time for a reason. we can reach out :) with our hands our smiles and our hearts. we can ignore our own pain. we can set ourselves 2nd. its ok. your still just as important, but this way you can make others happy and in the process find your own happiness.

shoot. haha i just had another 'eat your own words' moment...great. :) but i think i might just keep trying. even though this week was hard, and even though im not at my best, i have a feeling that i will be. im kinda feeling a little bit of motivation again. funny how blogging does that to me. it stirs up my favorite emotions that sometimes fall asleep inside of me.

so keep going. reach out. and really live. i know im gonna keep running forward and you can to. lets keep going. lets go all the way. lets go FOR THE DISTANCE. <3 because ME, I AM IN THIS .... FOR THE DISTANCE.