ravioli nn saltines

after a very very long few days. i feel ok. im not feeling my best but im also not feeling my worst. ive worked hard, ive sweated, ive cried, ive laughed, and ive pushed myself. it feels good in a want to just cry it out way. haha dont get me wrong jenni is perfectly fine, and perfectly happy. its just going to take time to get used to the new habits im developing. Like keeping my mind from thinking about people who just arent in my life. or keeping my room, bathroom, and dishes done and clean. Like running everyday. its exhausting. but i promised myself that i would run 3 miles a day at least. thats just naming just a few, haha but its interesting being able to turn my wants and thoughts into actions. its very fulfilling to not only be but to do. well i dont really have anything else to say and im going to go eat my chef boyardis ravioli and saltines. :) so heres a picture of a siberian husky and a sexy truck :) happy 6th day of december. quote of the day: "a man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets." -Captain hook

Peaceful...and oh so blissfully happy.

you treat me like im funny, and i'll make you laugh, you treat me like a princess, and i'll be graceful, but if you treat me like a fool, or act like im nothing i will disapear from your presence. today i realized the power of how we treat the people around us. its not that people are two faced, but people will act how others treat them. generally. i know for me, like tonight, i was surrounded by people who truly believe in me and love to be around me. im not bragging. at all. i feel so lucky to have myself surrounded by these people in my ward, they look at me like im gonna go far, they treat me like im the greatest thing since toasted bread! (cuz lets be honest sliced bread isnt that great ;)) do i deserve this treatment? in my mind i dont. but since they treat me like this i honestly feel so impowered. i reach out. i become a couragous hero...because they see that i am one. it makes me tear up with gratitude that they help me become the superhero ive always dreamed of being. i know that we all dont really pay attention to how we treat others....we go about worrying what we look like, what we have to get done, what others think of us....and if you dont fall into the catagory of self absorbed and busy human being good for you! but im guilty of the being a self absorbed busy human...and as i take this moment to treasure the feelings im feeling cuz its really inspiring me. i want to treat that lady scanning my grocerys like she is a celebrity who has everything going for her. i want to treat that boy i just passed like he is a genius and like he has a bright future ahead of him. i want to treat my mom like a queen because she really is one. i want to treat my sister like a priceless gem, and treasure her words and moments we have. im gonna do that. cuz not only will they feel loved and needed, but i think just like it helped me be the best of me, it might help them be the best of them. :)

on a different note im honestly obseessed with leggings or tights with giant hoodys. i confess that thats about all i wear nowadays. i cringe when i know i have to change into jeans. i hate pants. i do. i openly admit it. but i also hate skirts. i do i really do. but leggings oh my they are my best friend :) if anyone has the urge to buy me colorful patterned tights or leggings id probably just love you forevers :) and ive been reading writing and drawing again. ya i know happy day the world may rejoice again. i feel so at home in myself again. and i know exactly why. ive accepted the fact that people who ive missed, and people who ive lost sleep over because i want them in my life so bad, just arent gonna be in my life, if they were meant to be in my life they would be, and i for one do believe that my story must be alot more beautiful without them in it. even tho it kills me and has been the breaking point for many tears shed, i know im ok, and i know that ive done everything in my power to reach out to these people who just arent responding. and i dont need that stress or pain. and knowing this has made me FREE. yes FREEEEEE AS A FREAKIN BIRD. I HAVE literally felt a weight leave my mind and shoulders since ive accepted the loss of these people. i love it :) on yet a different note i want to say a personal thank you to the Knaphus's and to my bestie Kenni :) Audrie, Ned, Jaxon, Bridger, And little gracie have blessed my life so much.

my life is so much more fabulous and inspiring and bright with them. they let me crash there house, steal there movies, food and evil cheescake and just love me in return. i feel like im the only one getting anything good out of our relationship and yet they still love me :) they truly inspire me to be my best self and to reach for my dreams. they mean the world to me :) and to my dear sweet kenni :)

haha we are eachothers bestfriend lovers haha she is seriously the hip to my hop the pop to my tart and the rootbeer to my brownies :) so thank you i love you all dearly and i just hope that everyones holiday season is kicking of to a grand old start :) this marks my first day of my 28 days till christmas blogging challenge :) i hope you all look forward to hearing more from me cuz you will be :)

Just giggle i guess

On days like today, when everything that could go wrong goes wrong, when i have to take a deep breath so that i dont cry, and when it feels like confusion has become a way of life...on these days i kneel down and thank god that i am alive, that i have an amazing and beautiful body, that i got to experience the first snowfall of the season, and that i have so many blankets to wrap my cold self up in. I am so blessed. Im blessed that i have such a crazy and eratic mind, that seems to jump to conclusions every other word, im blessed because i have a heart that falls hard and fast, and even though pain teaches me the same lessons over and over again, i am me. im jenni. yes i had a bad day. but guess what? i have a freakin GREAT LIFE. yep thats about it. im blessed, life is an incredible journey. the church is true. goodnight. <3

The Pursuit Of Happiness

just because you are confused does not mean you are stupid just because you are lonely it does not mean you are alone and just because you breathe it does not mean you live. life is about the whirlwind of events the sprinkle of rain on the windshield the warmth of holding the person you love its that moment when you feel your heart grow a size or two :) its cuddling up in warm blankets and watching your favorite movie its giggling to yourself because your mind, face and heart are all smiling its pushing through the pain and misunderstandings and standing tall its taking a deep breathe knowing that everything WILL be ok. life is a beautiful disaster, and a complicated masterpiece.

all it takes is a moment of realization, a moment of sheer revalation, and just a touch of love to make you realize that life is good, and happiness is yours :) so i thought tonight i would explain my favorite and oh so beautiful quote that i live each day by. this is honestly the quote that explains my persepctive on my whole life. :) "it doesnt pay to get discouraged." aint that the truth this first line has honestly been a good kick in the butt and smack in the face multiple times...its so true. what does getting discouraged and frumpy and onry do for ya? nothing. diddly squat. it ruins your day, ruins others day, and makes you want to crawl in a hole. fun?? no i didnt think so either. getting discouraged is pathetic. honestily. im not trying to be rude or anything but in my experience, getting discouraged is for show, wheither its for you, a friend or the world, its a show. and im sorry but like my grandma says, "if you cry, you cry alone. but when you laugh then everyone laughs with you" you want to be loved? then be happy. happy people are the most beautiful people, happy people are the most loved people. and guess what else happy people, are happy :) "keeping busy and making positivity a way of life..." this is the challenge. sure sounds easy enough make some cookies, get some cleaning done and smile, that works right? yes those are fantastic things :) but. ive learned that there is more to it than that. when we are living lives without daily fulfillment, it causes discouragment, it causes confidence in your life, desicions, relationships and yourself to deplete. its inevitable. as human beings we must have that sense of accomplishment, it soooo important to stay active in the things you love, and doing the things you need to get done. now the positivity. its hard. let me tell you. hah ive found in many circumstances that smiling is sometimes the LAST STINKIN thing you want to do. its hard. but smile. smile even when it hurts. breathe. see the good in the world and realize that everything will be a little better in the morning, that the sun is shining, that there is people who still love silly old you. just smile, its the first step :) "...is the greatest way to restore faith in yourself." have faith in who you are. have confidence in what you love. go for the gold. its your life, make the mark on the world that you want to make. dont give up ever. dont give in to the mocking and discouragment that the world gives out for free. its a scam. happiness is only found within yourself, and with the lord. the greatness in you is more than you could even imagine. its as great and maybe even greater than albert einstein, walt disney, joseph smith, mother teresa, martin luther king, batman, the lorax and even johnny depp. ;) your greatness depends on who you are, who you let yourself be, and how you shape your life. shape it, or it will shape you. with much love, and a silly grin on my face heres jenni saying goodnight. heres for the hope of tomorrow, the brightness of my future, the courage of tonight, and the love of forever <3

77$ and a hoodie

So today was quite the adventure :) i love how i feel latley! seriously tho im so happy, and i give all credit to heavenly father, he is truly blessing me right now, he has put my whole life into perspective and i am forever grateful. like seriously, you know how people hire professionals to organize there lives? heavenly father is all that and more, and all he asks back is that i live to the best i can. its truly beautiful. the gospel is truly the greatest life tool anyone could ever have. it makes everything so organized, let alone more fun, more happy and more united. i cant wait to be able to go on my mission!!!! then i can share not onlly the lords love, but his gospel in all its organizational, family counseling, budgeting, friendly, celebrating glory :) ps. only 414 days until i can put my papers in :)

so my adventures today included taking 3 tests in math that i was sooooo not prepared for...ya...moving on......haha next was going to cafe rio with my amazing and beautiful girlfriends! we all got together for this monumental day of my gorgeous else's 18th birthday :) this girl is the defination of amazing everyone she is so strong and so powerful :) not to mention amazingly gorgeous. so we go to cafe rio, and laugh our cute lil butts off haha and i had to pay with a 100$ bill. i know i know "what the heck are you doing with a 100$ bill?!" well despite popular belief i actually do save money ;) haha but back to the story...my bill came up to 23.something. i bought else's, mine and a burrito for my bomb shiz teacher mr. taylor, haha and anywho we ate we sayed our goodbyes and as me and bethany pull back into lehi high's parking lot, i realize...i didnt get my 77$ in change back.....you can imagine how distressed me and my tummy felt...haha but i called the little cafe ripper offers and they counted the till and got me my money. ha. so i pointed out my inconvience...just like mr. T told me too, and i got a free meal :) yay. i was soooo blessed that they were able to do it so easy tho, it really was such a tender mercy of the lord. and then!! i lost my favorite hoodie. sooooo sad right?! i just giggled it off tho. cuz you know me, im happy and im not letting a little money mix up or hoodie being lost make me all prissy and onry! i have a great day ahead of me!! so by chance i went back to my classroom just to talk to mr. t and guess whats sitting on the floor....my HOODIE. i know. so cool. i lierally thanked god right then and there. soooo amazing!! he truly does care about the little issues and struggles that our human hearts have. he truly does want us happy, and he gives us trials, to proove that during that trial we can keep our chin up, so that he can give us the reward of extra happiness after :) so i am happy. i have a deeper strength that i have never experienced before. that general conference is some good stuff.:) so these are my adventures of today :) so adios until next time!!! :)

crunchy leaves and hugs

i want him to make my heart skip a beat. i want my breathe stolen. what can i say i want him to love me as the leaves fall down around us. mmm this song makes my heart jump every time <3 i want this :) :) and i think i might just be finding it :) i just want to melt ;) Sara Haze-Melt Into You :) it could be the pang of the guitar and sweet country twang that ive been listening to all day country music does tend to make me feel this way..maybe its the leaves changing colors and the clouds gathering above my head, telling me that the world is changing and taunting me to make change too. Maybe its the long phone calls. maybe. maybe its that warm cozy feeling of autumn :) but whatever it is, i like it. i like how my heart feels full, i like how the cold breeze cant freeze the warmth inside me. i like the feeling of my brain and heart and face smiling :) i like it alot. so general conference has only been over for a little over 24 hours and i miss it so much :) wouldnt it be something if we could have one of gods choosen leaders talk to us once every day?? i think i need to look into this more....haha but i have to say that my favorite part of the whole conference was the saturday morning session :) there was such a special spirit during those first two hours. it was miraculous. and may i just say that the moment President Monson began speaking about the ages of missionaries. i broke down. the tears were streaming down my smiling face even before he said it. the spirit of true revelation was so powerful. it overcame me completly. many people know that in my heart i have always hoped that the age for girls to go on missions would be lowered so that i could accomplish all the things in balance i want to. i dont think that ive felt such a powerful moment of sheer joy and excitement in my whole life!! i will always have something to smile about, i dont think anything could bring me 'really' down ever again. because the lord is calling me into his army :) he wants me and all my fellow youth to go now. :) i couldnt be happier. for me, jennifer ann vanzant, a precious daughter of god have been summoned to serve in the lords army, to gather together the lost children of isreal. ahhh!! i cant wait!! less than 19 months until im 19 and on my mission :D long talks, simple laughs, and clever words. i thrive off of these :) and sometimes i let them take too much a piece in my heart too soon. people are unpredictable, and no matter what, sadly, people break promises. but i think ive finally, finally found a friend who wont do that...i trust him. :) and dont get me wrong ive been so blessed in my life to meet so many different kinds of people who have taught me lots of different lessons, and getting attached to fast isnt good for anyone. so in the words of a truly amazing guy "just be yourself and it'll make me smile" :) so thats just what im gonna do, im gonna just keep being jenni, keep being happy, im gonna enjoy the little moments, and not worry about the annoying things, im gonna love deeply and laugh hard, im gonna be confident and live to the fullest :) haha yes that is a pep talk to my self thanks for participating yo :) i love this fall weather, warm sweaters, scarfs, gloves, holding hands, snuggling, watching movies, staying indoors, writing while watching the leaves fall, smelling the cold in the air, and the sense of change :) anything is possible in autumn <3

lets celebrate the world

mmmm i love moments like this....after a very exhilarating and exhausting workout, sitting in a cacoon of blankets, snuggling my bunny, eating captain crunch and listening to Mozella. yes yes i know. doesnt sound like your cup of tea does it? ;) but its definitly my cup of hot chocolate :) so as you might have hear/read a few lines ago i got a bunny, yes a bunny :) i am now the proud and oh so giddy owner of an adowable, snuwgly, oh so fuzzy dwarf bunny named lil theo <3 yes adding w's to words does make it sound like squishy baby talk, thank you for noticing...but anywho my lil theo has been my best friend this week as my other best friend is working 24/7 to get his homework done. i am oh so proud of him and cannot wait to laugh with him and continue our adventures:)but until then theo and i are just chillen, haha my brother cannot stop laughing at me because im always talking to theo saying: "theo lets go watch tv, itll be sooooo fun!! joey wanna come watch tv with me and a bunny?!" or "joey wanna go get a drink at the gas station?? we can take the bunny!!" or what he says im doing... "joey!! wanna come do nothing with a bunny?! everythings funner with a bunny!!" haha maybe i am a little obsessed but this is the first animal ive had that #1 snuggles me :) #2 is mine and #3 is travel size!!! :) so i sure as heck am gonna enjoy every minute<3

jenni's thoughts of the day i think everyone deserves to have a little mojo in there life..now im not too sure what mojo actually means but my definition is "My-oo la la-joyous-occasion" ya its a little bit of a stretch.....but! my mojo is sitting on my roof, or snuggling, and my guilty pleasure, dont laugh, but grocery shopping. yes shopping for cereal and juice and all that fun stuff gives me mojo. because it makes me feel like me. it makes me smile and it gets me in tune with the world around me. "with all thats wrong look at all thats right!" this keeps running through my head today. today has been a jenni grumbling day, i'll be honest i just didnt feel at the top of my game. but!! with this inspirational quote ransacking my negativity who could help but smile :) i love it when i conquer my sadness, or loneliness, or even just laziness. i love how the lord always attracts our attention to the good. :) its almost as if he is saying "stop it!! look over there!! there is possibility and beauty in today and all YOU have to do is see it!!" :) he is truly amazing. well my little nephews want to play with my bunny and i want to look hot for work tonight (pay day!!) so ciao :) xoxo love to all and please take a smile when you go :)

Sharing old thoughts

the following is a post from my old blog and i just love it :) so here it is again "Eat a rainbow everyday!!!" words i found sketched into an old notebook during a class...words that made me take a second look at them :)it may sound like a weird saying, i mean everyone knows the only way to eat a rainbow is to eat skittles!! :) duh!! ;)but in all honesty these words hit home for me,,,i see it as a challenge a challange to wake up and take in the colors of the world around us and shine them back out even brighter then before by creating smiles on others faces...and for me i do this through my art :) so heres my deep as the ocean thoughts about art and moments in our life created through "EATING A RAINBOW EVERYDAY" :) <3

The Musings of an artists work, of there masterpieces...Every artist in there unstable lifetime gives birth to a moment, if you will. A moment, a glance, a stirring and even a CHANGE.

To the artist in question, this moment is the blood in there bodies, the deepest pieces of there hearts, and the acheing of there souls and minds and bodies.
And in appreciation and mocking of there work, people just get a single moment from an artists entire work. But a moment all the same...a moment that may never be remembered, a moment that could even change there perspective on life or just cause a moment of blissful happiness and inspiration.
"A persons Physcological, emotional and sentimental feelings and thoughts can become attached to a certain artists masterpiece. It can over rule their senses and cause the mind to stimulate chemicals of joy, exhiliration, sadness, pain, courage and love.."-(quote from a piano player i met.)
Each masterpiece or moment, is a possibility that takes place for an hour, a day, even a seconds worth, and is full of smiles, laughs, tears, or exhiliration :) These moments are what change human nature. They cause ordinary to become EXTRAordinary. We as artists can make someone smile for a blissful moment, we can make someone forget there awful pains and sorrows, or we can cause others to reflect on circumstances in a different and more positive light.
This is what as an artist i hope to achieve...i hope to make as many people within sight of my work, happier, and more hopeful. :) Just as Walt Disney, my hero, changed the world by not offering world peace, or negotiating with countries, but by making people smile :) By making childrens dreams come true, by making the imagination not just viewed as a peice of the mind, but as a real tangable peice of art each of us have inside of us.
So shine the colors inside of you, and eat a rainbow each morning, so that you can paint your own picture upon lifes canvas, make a difference, make a change, make a MOMENT...<3

TAKING OVER THE UNIVERSE TIP #3-When you wake up in the morning look for ways to make others lives better, look for oppurtunities to use your personal awesomness to make someone smile :)

today is just today

confused.....confuzzled.....tired. yep thats me. im good, great actually. just going along and working hard. but so much is happening and its so twisted and messy. im just gonna try to fix everything and make everything organized. but i hate that im stuck in the 'i dont knows' i dont know whats happening anymore. its ok though. i can still have fun and still enjoy the sunshine even with all this pressure and decisions im going through. so its all good for now. two things im excited about: i really really really want a pair of high top pink converse.....but i cant find them anywhere....so lets cross our fingers in my search for the much wanted shoes :) next is i really want my nails done....im an idiot because having nails at my work is like finger suicide. but i dont care, i want me some pink,navy blue and white nails. its been summer for a week. who knew? i didnt thats for sure. its only been a week and i still have months to go :) yay summer so i really dont have anything else to say besides that. i know im lame today. get over it i spent 7 hours weeding at my work. scratches all up and down my legs and arms..yay. but my manager loved me for it. anywho. peace and blessings. have an awesome night. heres hoping that my day off tomorrow will be fun.

Oh just Reminiscing in bliss

sometimes you just need to blow bubbles and watch the stars :) and sometimes you just have to brush off harsh words or hard times like they are dust on your shoulders. Hard and stupid things ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS happen. it is INEVITABLE that hard times happen. and it is INEVITABLE that we will be too busy, that we will be too stressed and that we will be discouraged. sorry to say but we will feel these!!! haha but its kinda like a soda pop :) sometimes we get shook up and sometimes we get left behind, and there will be times where we will explode or loose our fizz :) the point of it is, is that we get back up and we continue to taste good :) haha ok ok thats a weird analogy....but! something i know to be true is that it is our CHOICE to be happy and it is our CHOICE to do the best in any situation we are thrown in. :) but sometimes we just need that "gotta love life' moment :) WHICH are found in the smallest and some may say stupidest activities. haha like blowing bubbles, coloring with chalk, watching stars, dancing in the rain, playing make believe, or even dressing up :) just remember YOLO! you only live once :) and why should we not live fully if we only live once>??? so just smile, act like a five year old and smile more. just keep truckin and just keep living! :D so i find it hilarious that when i was little i used to set up elaborate desks and stations, i would get old computers, boxes, markers, papers, and random pieces of wood and such, and set up business's all around my houses. i would make it all:) from 'jenni's bakery' to "jennis coloring pages" to my magic show/store....hahah good times good times. i would make menu's, use my two dollars and change from under the couch and buy merchandise to sell to my family..it was perfect bliss. it was alot funner than being an actual cashier is. haha i guess being a real cashier now only stinks because i feel so much responsibility, and back then the only bad thing was running out of honey buns, or my parents only buying about 6 papers from me:) but to be honest i dont necessarily miss it, yes i love reminiscing about it, and laughing at my cute little self, but i love living now, in this moment, with the most amazing people around me :) as fun as setting up magic shows was, and as awesome as playing with my little friends and stuffed animals was, nothing compares to the moments i get with my cowboy, or the way i feel after a fun and fulfilling day at work, or after laughing until i am crying with my girls :) my life has a lot of downers.true. but my life is so great! i am alive, and not only that but i am living :) and as this summer begins all i know for certain is that i will keep smiling no matter what happens, and that i will seize every moment i can with my loved ones. SO HAPPY SUMMER OF 2012 may it hold everything you dream of :) may the nights be long, the days be sunny, the kisses sweet, the music loud and your smile as beautiful as ever! \

bouncin back like tigger

so heres the deal. yesterday=awful. but today=better :) this morning i woke up to a fabulous 6 page text from one of my greatest friends....it included this amazing quote "dont pray for an easier life but pray for the strength to endure through life." i LOVE THIS. because no matter what we all get discouraged, we all have hard times and we all just want to give up. and i always thought that if i just hoped in tommorrow it would be okay...but that isnt enough. what i have to do is pray for a brighter today and not just that but for the strength that i know the lord can give me to get through it to that brighter tommorrow :) ah KALEB you are amazing :) you turned my day completly around. so today was great more or less..i actually got through work without feeling tired,,and i had tons of fun :) my hands hurt but feel so tough from running the rockwall, and i think im still sweating from being behind the cashier desk, but all is well :) i have amazing co-workers and amazing supervisers and managers. like seriously they rock my socks right off. i couldnt ask for a better experience :) plus i got to dance/clean bumber boats in the pouring rain,, <3 it was lovely.

Funniest thing that happened today is what happened over the radio. superviser into radio: hey matt whats your 20 Matt: im in the back parking lot doing weed..........shoot! I MEANt PULLING WEEDS!!!" haha i may have peed my pants a little at this it was hilarous :) so im ok. i realized who the people in my life are who REALLY care :) and i love you guys so much :) even if im lonely i wil always know im not alone, and that is such a blessing. :) So my summer is going to be>>>WORK!WORK!AND MORE WORK! but that gets me my mustang :) :) :) :)

so were good :) but! now that things have kinda changed i will be posting a new and improved summer list #2!! so look for that tommorrow :) thank you everyone for everything :) no one is alone...there is always someone who loves you, you just need to open up your eyes and realize it. and know i am here for you too :) even if your a stranger im here for you :) because im jenni vz :) nuff said....haha so ttfn ps. my new favorite character: TIGGER

(yes i watched the tigger movie yesterday :) dont judge when im sad i like to watch sad movies so that i cry over someone elses sadness and not pity myself :) and its tigger because he reminds me of me...haha we are both so happy, we know that the secret to life is to keep bouncing smiling and have fun :) and even though when were sad, were pretty sad and for a good reason, we both have great friends to help us keep going and just keep bouncing :) yay tigger :)

its 2 o'clock in the morning

oh my heck. i just did homework from 9:00 am wednesday morning to 2:00 am thursday morning. to say the least im exhausted. -.- but i finished my thesis paper from heck, finished all my late work for english, caught up on all my math, and now i just have a chemistry review sheet to do....sigh. its a good thing that after this friday school is over because i think i might self destruct if i have to put up with any more of my dang schools homework loads. ah summer....its so close. i finally feel the realease! i just have two more finals and then im done! home clear!! ah how good it will feel to spend my time doing what I WANT...well for the most part..haha i got my schedule for work next week and guess who's working monday, thursday, friday AND saturday? ME THATS WHO!! dont get me wrong im super excited :) yay working class and yay saving up money for my mustang :)

but me working means i have to be the lame one who says "cant i have to work" yuck...but! i want my mustang so i will just repeat "goosefraba, goosefraba, its okay its for my mustang" about 50 times a day :) haha im excited :) i feel like im finally able to be jenni again! no more stress, no more being around people who pull you down, i get to choose who im around and i get to choose what my time is for :) SO HAPPY!! i love being ms. independent once again :) now everything is ok besides one thing...and that one thing will hopefully be fixed on saturday! cross your fingers for me! i have big plans and i really hope it works out, because then everything will be perfect. well as perfect as a messed up, busy teenage girl who is in love, life can get ;) i am the creator of my own disastors and the designer of my own catastrophes once again :) it sure feels good....so goodnight i know i will sleep tight for the 3 hours i get to sleep :)

The rambling of a girl listening to country music

guess what...im getting tan. :D YES tan. i know right hard for me to believe too....O.o i dont think ive ever been tan in my life, so you can probably imagine how super excited i am :) the funny thing about me is that i find simple pleasure in the simplest things..like 5 seconds ago my brother sent me the sweetest text, just asking how my day was and saying that he loves me and says im amazing...umm yep makes me smile. or just waking up to sunshine streaming through my window, knowing that today i get to lay out in my yard and soak up some rays :) or when my boyfriend texts me good morning beautiful. ^-^ oh golly i could live, breathe and smile off of moments like those. i find great satisfaction in making a wish by blowing dandelion fluff everywhere, or taking a bubble bath with candllight bouncing off the walls. these are the things i do constantly that keep me, well me. :) these moments are what define me, they are super important to the balance of a 'jenni day' and suprisingly i never get sick of it. unlike my favorite food, color or favorite book or movie which change almost daily, my little quirks ( you may call them glitches ;) )are my favorite part of myself and what i know will always be a part of me. each of us has a beat. you can call it a rythm or a light. but its there inside each of us. it drives us forward. it makes us work hard, it makes us love, it makes us smile and laugh, it becomes and changes with every moment we experience. it. IS NEVER COMPLETE. it can always be rearranged it can always be improved. its fabulous really.....if you think about each step we take, each song we listen to, each person we meet and the each love we fall into...each single point is like the point in a spiders web,

where one thread meets another. at that itsy bitsy teeny weeny point we become who we are. and it continues on to each small meeting point. the choices we make, the people we meet, the things we like and the things we think, even those little quirks like holding your breath in a tunnel or crying in disney movies :)....they drive us to ourselves, they create ourselves. we are each special :) ya ya i know you hear this from your mom every day, but seriously. its IMPOSSIBLE not to be special :) with each second we become a different person, we may not have made the choices we wanted to our are on the paths of our lives that are ideal...but we are completly and utterly on our way to our best self. :) we are each fabulously, crazily, and fantastically unique. we are the BEST at being OURSELF. so dont change. dont hide. dont tone down your personality. just LIVE. live outloud :)

its alot funner that way :) and it will take away pressure, stress, and sorrow if we know that we are wonderful :)because we really are :) no one has my sense of style, no one is as ticklish as me, noone has the love for one crazy cowboy as much as i do, :)and noone is as crazily optimistic and as jenni as i am :) and i love me :)

lets be honest im not perfect! thank god im not! haha i love my imperfections, and i love how far i have to go :) im not gonna get discouraged because im not what i want to be, im excited that i get to work hard to be who i really want to be :) and im sure as heck gonna have fun along the way!!!

because JENNIFER ANN VZ is in this life FOR THE DISTANCE!! :) I can go as far as i want and i dont have all too much time so im gettin busy and really living right now! and every day! :)

my summer to do list #1

Swimming.

Kissing.

Dancing.

Loving.

Tanning.

Sleeping.

Running.

Laughing.

Reading.

Shopping.

Capturing.

Star Gazing.

Driving.

cliff jump

go mudding

Stepping up stepping forward :)

im still alive. i got through this hell of a week. and yes i did cry a little. i pushed myself to my limits. i crossed really scary boundaries and survived...just so i could blog about it. yes im a wannabe blogger addict. i admit it openly. i get addicted to blogging for a few weeks and when something happens... i give up. but everyday i fall asleep thinking, i wish i could write about how i feel, and i wish others knew how i really feel too. but the funny thing is, only my select few facebook stalkers will ever view my feelings, only a select few people will hear why me, jennifer, is special. and they probably wont even relize that i am the only me they will ever read about. its a pretty sad thought that. the fact that every day we walk by like a bish-million people and dont even say hello. that we walk by unique, one of a kind, deluxe edition people that we may NEVER EVER see again and act as if weve seen it all, like we know all the stories they might have to tell and as if weve heard or experianced all the emotions that those people are going through. we WALK sometimes RUN right past them. its a state of self preservation i think. its like we embrace our own suffering and our own lives as if thats all there is so that we cant hurt ourselves more than we already do. we catch ourselves thinking, more than once a day, "why cant i..." or "if only i could..." or "if they only knew that i..." all questions of self preservation and self absorbtion. its really pathetic to be honest. and i say that on the level of 'im in the same sinking boat as you so im gonna complain about both our wet shoes all i want.'

because once again, and much to my utter disgust and dissapointment, ive found myself feeling those stinkin sinking empty emotions that i casted off with good ridance over a year ago. yep you know the ones. the feelings of 'not good enough' the feelings of 'nobody loves me everybody hates me might as well go eat worms' (10$ betting you just sang the song) emotions that trap us in the state of self preservation and self absorbtion. and keep us from our own BEAUTIFUL and UNIQUE adventures and also fog up our faith in our happily ever afters. which is so sad. because no matter what anyone says, i know each and every person, and i mean EVERYPERSON, even that old man sitting on the bench in front of walgreens, or that little girl screaming for candy behind you in walmart, that girl who is always sad at school or the boy who is a danger-addict who lives too far away...they ALL have such gorgeously, exquistitly, and indescribable futures if only they could see there potential. but as each of us are human, sadly enough, we each fall into our holes. we get dirty, we cry, and we feel,inflict, and sometimes live in pain that could so easily be removed if only we knew that someone believed in us, if only we knew that someone truly loved us and cared about us...and those bish-million people that we walk by could just be our ticket out of the hell of our lives. but guess what.im gonna turn the tables. as pathetic, as sad, and lonely and useless as we feel sometimes... WE, ME, YOU, I. ya us. we are also someones ticket straight to genuine smiles and good times. and that ticket is buy one for someone else and you get one free too. every person has hard times, every person has faults, and everyone has those things that make them smile, everyone has that song or that book or that painting or sport that set them FREE. we are all human. we are all here to grow. we are all in this at this time for a reason. we can reach out :) with our hands our smiles and our hearts. we can ignore our own pain. we can set ourselves 2nd. its ok. your still just as important, but this way you can make others happy and in the process find your own happiness.

shoot. haha i just had another 'eat your own words' moment...great. :) but i think i might just keep trying. even though this week was hard, and even though im not at my best, i have a feeling that i will be. im kinda feeling a little bit of motivation again. funny how blogging does that to me. it stirs up my favorite emotions that sometimes fall asleep inside of me.

so keep going. reach out. and really live. i know im gonna keep running forward and you can to. lets keep going. lets go all the way. lets go FOR THE DISTANCE. <3 because ME, I AM IN THIS .... FOR THE DISTANCE.