who are you? and who do you choose to be?

what does your existence add up to? What is it that makes you smile? what is it that makes you cry? do you crave things and wish for things, do you hope beyond belief that your dreams will come true? who are you? is it your work that defines you the 9 to 5 job that you work tirelessly day after day...or is it something more? I believe its  the burn of your muscles as you push yourself past what youve ever done before. the feeling of flight as your favorite song begins to play. the butterflies that fill you from head to toe..as someone you love comes into the room. you are not who you think you are. in fact you will never be who you think you are.because you are so much more than what the human mind can comprehend. your existence can't be defined in any dictionary. no scientist can predict what your going to do next. no one can tell you who you are, what you should do or what you desire. isn't it thrilling. it's exhilarating to know that we cannot be defined. our existence depends on a choice that begins every morning as our eyes opens to the Sun. it depends on how we treat that person that just walked in. on if we open up to another human being and  choose to be vulnerable. if we smile and laugh instead of cry when something goes horribly wrong. if we choose to sing at the top of our lungs in our car. to dance weither nobody or everybody is watching. I am something special. you are something special. we are remarkable. we are unpredictable. and we can change the world. one smile at a time we can impact the world, one smile at a time we can save a human being. and one smile at a time we can be happy. so smile. you've got an irresistible smile. its unique its powerful and its yours. love who you are.love the life you live.and it will love you right back.

chase the love you deserve n find joy in the ordinary

stay close to the sounds that make you feel alive. the sound of the song that illuminates the pathway of your feet, the voice that when speaking your name, caresses every syllable of it and lets it go out into existence exuding love. surround yourself with patterns, colors and designs that literally cause your eyes to drink in inspiration. you deserve to read words that flow and ebb like a heartbeat, to wake up every morning enthusiastic about the opportunity to feel...ALIVE. REALLY LIVE. yes I do have those two words painted on my wall. the key to life is to really live, to never settle, to always explore every nook and cranny, to make time for what you want. everyone keeps saying that time is speeding up, that all the children grow too quick, the holidays over too soon, the cold too quickly following the sunshine. and I sit as the world and its captives run and run around in circles, always regretting the time passed, all I see is fools running facing backwards. life happens in front of us, the kids grow up while we look at the past, the kisses grow dull as fear sinks in, and the seasons change and take with them all of the glorious unique adventures they held. a moment...is lost......

so, my advice, take it or leave it. Carpe diem. Seize this day.

your life no matter how many years you have left no matter if all you have is this moment, right this second, seize it, do what you've always wanted to do, be who you've always wanted to be! The kisses are so sweet, so delicate, the hugs comforting, the sunshine inspiring, the snow illuminating. let 'what is' be. everyones got it going on, everyones got reasons for why they are who they are. everyone has a story to tell. listen up. ya I mean this. you listen to someones story, and you learn to love yours. every moment of you is glorious, the lord loves your story, he loves you. a novel that would captivate billions is waiting to be written about you, a painting showcasing your divinity, a song serenading of your fantastic self. your opinions, your loves, your hopes, your dreams, your pains...it ALL MATTERS. And no matter what the world says SOMEONE DOES CARE ABOUT YOU. SOMEONE APPRECIATES YOUR EXSISTANCE.

The lord is anxiously engaged in your story, he cannot contain his excitement and love for the life you live. HE LOVES YOU. every little bit of you. the savior is my best friend and I trust him completely. I know how much the savior loves you because every day he freely showers me in love that I can hardly believe I deserve. he loves me. oh what peace that statement brings. im quirky, wired, impatient, and random...I spend to much time daydreaming and get obsessed with the silliest things. and yet. he loves me. my savior, my god. loves me. he knows me too. he knew me before I knew myself, he held my hand and literally held me as I cried in pain from the loss of myself. he knew id need the family I have, so he gave me my six angels, my 6 siblings to be a light to me everyday. he gave me my parents, my heros in more ways then countable, who quide and council me and love me with all the love in the world. He gave me my brother in laws, who constantly make me smile as they love my sisters and treat them as princesses, showing me what I want in my future husband. My sister in law showing me patience, and the power of confidence. my nieces and nephews, oh how I adore being able to be constantly surrounded By kids who act just like me (: they keep me energetic, they keep me humble. I am blessed.

I just gotta say that I am grateful for every moment I have every lived, I am greatful for every person who has come into my life. this life I live is far from perfect, but I live in the NOW. this moment right now I feel WHOLE, I FEEL JOYFUL and I know that this life is meant to be inspiring, it is meant to give you a kick in the butt, its meant to be hard. it wouldn't be worth it if it wasn't as hard as it is. I LOVE MY LIFE. and every single person deserves to feel the same way. so again..STAY CLOSE TO THE SOUNDS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL ALIVE, SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PATTERNS, COLORS AND DESIGNS THAT LITERALLY CAUSE YOUR EYES TO DRINK IN INSPIRATION. LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE ALWAYS IMAGINED. because you my dear. are special. no one has the same brilliant future as you, no one can give the world what you get to give it. carpe diem darling. live your life, dance to the music, smile, and thank god for the sheer greatness of the life you live.

2013 begins on the wings of 2012.

Today is Jan 1St. Crazy thing is is that this year I actually felt like a whole year had passed by at a good speed.  I fell in love this year. Not just with certain boys. But with myself, with life , with sunburns, late nights, glittery snow, holding hands, kissing, snuggling, twinkle lights, motocross, movies, water, sunglasses, softlips, lipgloss and going to dances, I fell in love with pretty things and clever words, with listening to someone play piano, I fell in love with amazing people and there passions, with talking in the rain, with watching movies with my friends, cars, running,working, and conquering my fears,.I.fell in love with the power of confidence and happiness. 2012. Was my year. I had my first kiss, my first job, my first and last year at Lehi high, and my first adventures.  I found my best friends. And lost a few too. I got taught lessons. The lesson of true friendship. The lesson of hard work. The lesson of moving on and moving forward. The lesson of independence. Of.consideration. And life. I may have had moments of loss, loneliness, and sickness but nothing compares to how I've been inspired , motivated and loved this year.  2012 WAs a good year and I know 2013 will be even greater :)

ravioli nn saltines

after a very very long few days. i feel ok. im not feeling my best but im also not feeling my worst. ive worked hard, ive sweated, ive cried, ive laughed, and ive pushed myself. it feels good in a want to just cry it out way. haha dont get me wrong jenni is perfectly fine, and perfectly happy. its just going to take time to get used to the new habits im developing. Like keeping my mind from thinking about people who just arent in my life. or keeping my room, bathroom, and dishes done and clean. Like running everyday. its exhausting. but i promised myself that i would run 3 miles a day at least. thats just naming just a few, haha but its interesting being able to turn my wants and thoughts into actions. its very fulfilling to not only be but to do. well i dont really have anything else to say and im going to go eat my chef boyardis ravioli and saltines. :) so heres a picture of a siberian husky and a sexy truck :) happy 6th day of december. quote of the day: "a man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets." -Captain hook

Peaceful...and oh so blissfully happy.

you treat me like im funny, and i'll make you laugh, you treat me like a princess, and i'll be graceful, but if you treat me like a fool, or act like im nothing i will disapear from your presence. today i realized the power of how we treat the people around us. its not that people are two faced, but people will act how others treat them. generally. i know for me, like tonight, i was surrounded by people who truly believe in me and love to be around me. im not bragging. at all. i feel so lucky to have myself surrounded by these people in my ward, they look at me like im gonna go far, they treat me like im the greatest thing since toasted bread! (cuz lets be honest sliced bread isnt that great ;)) do i deserve this treatment? in my mind i dont. but since they treat me like this i honestly feel so impowered. i reach out. i become a couragous hero...because they see that i am one. it makes me tear up with gratitude that they help me become the superhero ive always dreamed of being. i know that we all dont really pay attention to how we treat others....we go about worrying what we look like, what we have to get done, what others think of us....and if you dont fall into the catagory of self absorbed and busy human being good for you! but im guilty of the being a self absorbed busy human...and as i take this moment to treasure the feelings im feeling cuz its really inspiring me. i want to treat that lady scanning my grocerys like she is a celebrity who has everything going for her. i want to treat that boy i just passed like he is a genius and like he has a bright future ahead of him. i want to treat my mom like a queen because she really is one. i want to treat my sister like a priceless gem, and treasure her words and moments we have. im gonna do that. cuz not only will they feel loved and needed, but i think just like it helped me be the best of me, it might help them be the best of them. :)

on a different note im honestly obseessed with leggings or tights with giant hoodys. i confess that thats about all i wear nowadays. i cringe when i know i have to change into jeans. i hate pants. i do. i openly admit it. but i also hate skirts. i do i really do. but leggings oh my they are my best friend :) if anyone has the urge to buy me colorful patterned tights or leggings id probably just love you forevers :) and ive been reading writing and drawing again. ya i know happy day the world may rejoice again. i feel so at home in myself again. and i know exactly why. ive accepted the fact that people who ive missed, and people who ive lost sleep over because i want them in my life so bad, just arent gonna be in my life, if they were meant to be in my life they would be, and i for one do believe that my story must be alot more beautiful without them in it. even tho it kills me and has been the breaking point for many tears shed, i know im ok, and i know that ive done everything in my power to reach out to these people who just arent responding. and i dont need that stress or pain. and knowing this has made me FREE. yes FREEEEEE AS A FREAKIN BIRD. I HAVE literally felt a weight leave my mind and shoulders since ive accepted the loss of these people. i love it :) on yet a different note i want to say a personal thank you to the Knaphus's and to my bestie Kenni :) Audrie, Ned, Jaxon, Bridger, And little gracie have blessed my life so much.

my life is so much more fabulous and inspiring and bright with them. they let me crash there house, steal there movies, food and evil cheescake and just love me in return. i feel like im the only one getting anything good out of our relationship and yet they still love me :) they truly inspire me to be my best self and to reach for my dreams. they mean the world to me :) and to my dear sweet kenni :)

haha we are eachothers bestfriend lovers haha she is seriously the hip to my hop the pop to my tart and the rootbeer to my brownies :) so thank you i love you all dearly and i just hope that everyones holiday season is kicking of to a grand old start :) this marks my first day of my 28 days till christmas blogging challenge :) i hope you all look forward to hearing more from me cuz you will be :)

Just giggle i guess

On days like today, when everything that could go wrong goes wrong, when i have to take a deep breath so that i dont cry, and when it feels like confusion has become a way of life...on these days i kneel down and thank god that i am alive, that i have an amazing and beautiful body, that i got to experience the first snowfall of the season, and that i have so many blankets to wrap my cold self up in. I am so blessed. Im blessed that i have such a crazy and eratic mind, that seems to jump to conclusions every other word, im blessed because i have a heart that falls hard and fast, and even though pain teaches me the same lessons over and over again, i am me. im jenni. yes i had a bad day. but guess what? i have a freakin GREAT LIFE. yep thats about it. im blessed, life is an incredible journey. the church is true. goodnight. <3

The Pursuit Of Happiness

just because you are confused does not mean you are stupid just because you are lonely it does not mean you are alone and just because you breathe it does not mean you live. life is about the whirlwind of events the sprinkle of rain on the windshield the warmth of holding the person you love its that moment when you feel your heart grow a size or two :) its cuddling up in warm blankets and watching your favorite movie its giggling to yourself because your mind, face and heart are all smiling its pushing through the pain and misunderstandings and standing tall its taking a deep breathe knowing that everything WILL be ok. life is a beautiful disaster, and a complicated masterpiece.

all it takes is a moment of realization, a moment of sheer revalation, and just a touch of love to make you realize that life is good, and happiness is yours :) so i thought tonight i would explain my favorite and oh so beautiful quote that i live each day by. this is honestly the quote that explains my persepctive on my whole life. :) "it doesnt pay to get discouraged." aint that the truth this first line has honestly been a good kick in the butt and smack in the face multiple times...its so true. what does getting discouraged and frumpy and onry do for ya? nothing. diddly squat. it ruins your day, ruins others day, and makes you want to crawl in a hole. fun?? no i didnt think so either. getting discouraged is pathetic. honestily. im not trying to be rude or anything but in my experience, getting discouraged is for show, wheither its for you, a friend or the world, its a show. and im sorry but like my grandma says, "if you cry, you cry alone. but when you laugh then everyone laughs with you" you want to be loved? then be happy. happy people are the most beautiful people, happy people are the most loved people. and guess what else happy people, are happy :) "keeping busy and making positivity a way of life..." this is the challenge. sure sounds easy enough make some cookies, get some cleaning done and smile, that works right? yes those are fantastic things :) but. ive learned that there is more to it than that. when we are living lives without daily fulfillment, it causes discouragment, it causes confidence in your life, desicions, relationships and yourself to deplete. its inevitable. as human beings we must have that sense of accomplishment, it soooo important to stay active in the things you love, and doing the things you need to get done. now the positivity. its hard. let me tell you. hah ive found in many circumstances that smiling is sometimes the LAST STINKIN thing you want to do. its hard. but smile. smile even when it hurts. breathe. see the good in the world and realize that everything will be a little better in the morning, that the sun is shining, that there is people who still love silly old you. just smile, its the first step :) "...is the greatest way to restore faith in yourself." have faith in who you are. have confidence in what you love. go for the gold. its your life, make the mark on the world that you want to make. dont give up ever. dont give in to the mocking and discouragment that the world gives out for free. its a scam. happiness is only found within yourself, and with the lord. the greatness in you is more than you could even imagine. its as great and maybe even greater than albert einstein, walt disney, joseph smith, mother teresa, martin luther king, batman, the lorax and even johnny depp. ;) your greatness depends on who you are, who you let yourself be, and how you shape your life. shape it, or it will shape you. with much love, and a silly grin on my face heres jenni saying goodnight. heres for the hope of tomorrow, the brightness of my future, the courage of tonight, and the love of forever <3